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As most people who visit these pages already know, the past five years have brought significant change to my life. I’ve learned so much about myself in the process, just as I’ve learned about mankind, my government, empowerment and human nature. It has been a trying journey, one I can only describe as a metamorphosis.

People trying to be kind and feeling their own discomfort in what they perceive as my reality always say, “There’s a hidden purpose in here, somewhere.” But I can clearly say there is no hidden purpose. It has all been entirely crystalline to me, from the beginning. That’s how I believe I survived when I should have succumbed: I was on the path I knew I was destined to walk. Only thoughts get in the way. It is also why I believe I got farther in taking Fed “down” than others. I’ve known and understood my own purpose and the events’ purpose in my life.

Personal Truths Often Translate to Business Truths

I now also hold some personal truths I have learned along the way. These are truths I unearthed in the mere seconds of standing exhaustively on Fed’s front walkway on Murder Night in April 2014, trying to decide for myself which “death” would be the best choice. In those seconds, certain things became clear as what you take with you, whereas other things fell away as losing all importance. These five years have been a period of time in which I toddled in those thoughts. I feel in many ways like I have seen some things I should not have seen. But in other ways, I have seen all I need to know for the rest of my life, for this life to hold peace and value to me.

It is also apparent that I did not break here because I was not meant to break here. I realize that everything that happened before happened as preparation for now, just as in other ways I may have carried a list of objectives into this life and many of those objectives have been met.

This has all been a very dark, solitary process. I have needed such quiet in my existence so I could survive a psychopath and “red tape” and every mine laid into the field in front of me. So now it feels that the important business of my life is handled and everything here forward is just extra. Everything else is a bonus, prize and bounty.

Changing Priorities from Changed Perspective

I have realized that I want little of the life I had “before.” Little of what I was working toward in those days holds true value to me “after.” I feel that everything here forward is extra, including for Roulez Media.

What I am trying to say in all of this is that I do not know what our next five years will bring. I do know at this point that our future will not take a concrete form, a form predetermined as “the same,” “acceptable,” “organized” or the “right path” by others. It is in freedom that the real magic happens for myself and those around me.

In all of this, our business and work will shift in shape, form and medium. We only will do work that truly inspires achievement and growth for us and our clients. If something no longer inspires those, we will choose to let it go. Pride serves no positive purpose in love, sports, war or business. This is one of my latest lessons. Roulez will no longer align with projects that only choke the bliss from us. There is zero intention for the path to fit a predetermined, “acceptable” form.

I see everything that happened to me and, in turn, Roulez as a gift. Sure, the wrapping was ugly and uncomfortable. But it was all a gift. It has informed me of what my life should be, here forward. That messaging translates to my work – our work – as part of Roulez Media. To be sure, there will be many false starts in the next years. But even false starts play a major role in the bigger picture of what we take with us, right?

Meeting Roulez Media Goals, Rolling Forward

So now, business as usual – but a new kind of usual. On our terms with a certain fluidity, creativity and flow, we go forward. The past five years have proven that when we just let things flow, they always go the right direction…and we get to enjoy the ride. What this means for Roulez Media is that we may take on little projects that seem to have no purpose, yet feel right.

Our hearts will lead us from here forward, doing so with the right to turn as hearts do. Ultimately, I think this brings everyone involved with us and Roulez Media far greater potential. If we are there, we are there because it feels right and we stand behind it. If we are not there, c’est la vie, not meant to be. No more forcing the flow on the work front. Dollar bills mean nothing in those last moments, just like they mean little for the future of the financially-obsessed person who tried to end me.

So here we go finally to find our path, the path on which we will roll forward. It should be interesting to see how this all pans out.

Laissez les bon temps ROULEZ!

~ C.Kimberly Toms

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